lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
