will power is for people who don't want to get laid
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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