I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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