I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
