i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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