I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Come on in and take your pants off
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