direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
