just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
