how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
