Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
