He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
