Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
