we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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