We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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