Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
