he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
