If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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