dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
