My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
At least life still wants to fuck me.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
