if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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