I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
