I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
