I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
