Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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