yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
