No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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