The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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