Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
