I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
