John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
