i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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