i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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