My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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