my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
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