He asked to "fluff my boner.."
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
