Pants 0. Shit 1.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
