Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
