I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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