You made me cry and you don't even care
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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