she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
