You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
