what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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