Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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