Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We talked him into tasing himself.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
