Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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