i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
