you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
In America we eat man semen.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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