He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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