; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
