Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
