Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
