I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
