I feel like I'm in dance class right now
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
