What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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