Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
