my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
organizing the empties. That sober.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
