Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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