i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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