I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
