I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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