Soap is not a condiment
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
