so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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