My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
