you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
