So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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