You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
they're like a gay fantastic four
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
