??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
