Are we in a gay sports bar?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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