Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
