what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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