who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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